lies
by sparksflyy
Summary: what if her whole life was a lie. what if she could never be with the one she loved. jalex.


**Disclaimer: i do not own WOWP. **

**i also don't believe in incest but its fascinating to write about. enjoy x**

I was happy. I was with the boy of my dreams. Everything was perfect.

**Lies. **

I wasn't happy. I wasn't with the boy of my dreams. Everything was far from perfect.

The boy of my dreams was some I could never be with, it was forbidden, he was out of bounds, out of reach, to me. I hadn't been happy since I had started to feel like this for him, it had made me something I hated. I had never been the type of girl to cry over a boy, I was always the one to make them cry, not the other way around. But now, my whole life had been turned upside down, and it was all because of him. My brother. Justin.

It was wrong, I am aware of that, but I just can't help it. I've tried to move on, I've even got myself a boyfriend who is crazy about me, but he's nothing compared to Justin, his eyes don't sparkle the same way, his smile lacks the same affect as his, his hazel eyes lack the piercing blue that I dream about so often. He isn't _him. _no one was, no boy that ever came into my life compared to him.

When he told me he was leaving to go to college, I felt like my heart had shattered beyond repair. He couldn't leave me, what would I do without him. He kept me sane, but he was also the one that drove me crazy.

The thing that hurt the most though is that he knew how I felt, but yet he was leaving, all those nights we spent together, talking about our fears, how we feel disgusted in ourselves, but also, how we both love each other more than we should. I also thought he was leaving because he wanted to be away from me, I was probably right. I hated the fact that he was just going to leave like that. He was always the one I went to when I was scared, he always made me feel safe. We never did anything about how we felt it had the power to tear our family apart and destroy us. But I would crave his touch, any time he was close to me, I would hope of a simple slip of the hand and he would brush his fingers against my own, but he was careful, so very careful, he never got to close to me, he never made eye contact with me and he hardly spoke to me anymore, ever since we told each other.

Sometimes, I wish I had kept my feelings a secret, because before we both found out, everything was perfect, we were just brother and sister, who loved each other in a brotherly and sisterly way. But now, we loved each other a little more than we should.

I was downstairs saying goodbye to him as our parents and max brought his luggage downstairs and into the car. I was sat on the edge of the sofa while he hurried around the living room stuffing things he needed into his jacket pockets. I was looking away when I felt him get closer. I turned my head and saw that he was standing in front of me.

"I'll miss you Alex," he said as he placed him hand on my cheek.

For a moment I turned my face into his palm but then I pulled away. "Miss you to bro" I spoke quietly.

What he did next kind of caught me off guard. He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I breathed out a sigh as he pulled away from me. He was an inch away from his face and when I opened my eyes I saw that he was staring straight into mine. I hadn't realised I was crying until he used the pad of his thumb to swipe away a tear that had fell down my cheek.

"I love you Alex" he said softly as he placed a kiss on my cheek.

"But not enough to stay" I finished for him. Standing here, with him so close, made my head foggy and my heart hurt.

He shook his head and sighed. "You don't get it" he said as he began to pace the room. "I want to stay, I do, I want to stay and be yours, I want you to be mine, but cant you see that we can't, we could never lead a normal life, not now not ever, so me leaving is for the best, and I do love you enough to stay, but I love you enough to let you move on"

I shook my head as more tears fell. "Justin, please, I don't want you to go"

He sighed and walked back over to me. he cupped my face in his hands and tilted my head slightly upright. "Alex, this is for the best, .you, and I always will"

I stood up and crashed my lips onto his. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Even though we were so close I had never felt so far away from him, I could feel him slowly slipping away from me. When he placed me on the ground, I clutched onto the collar of his shirt and pulled his face closer to mine.

"I love you Justin" I whispered as I placed a small kiss upon his lips.

"I love you to Alex, good-bye" he said as he pulled away from me. He gently pried my hands from his shirt and opened the door.

Before he left he turned to me. "Stay out of trouble"

I shook my head and smiled softly. "Never"

He smiled before he blew me a kiss and then left.

As soon as the door shut, I fell to the ground and let out a hysterical sob. Why did I have to have these sort of feelings, they only caused me agony and ruined my life. Now, that he was gone, maybe I could get on with my life. But then again, it might make things a whole lot worse; I won't be seeing him for a full year. Maybe in that time he might find a girl that he loves, more than me. I felt a pang off jealousy as I imagined him with another girl. I could see him holding her the way he could never hold me, the way he loved her like he could never love me, the way he could kiss her in public the way he could never kiss me. I wanted all of that, I wanted to be able to kiss him without people being disgusted in us, I wanted to be able to hold his hand without people staring, I wanted to be able to love him without feeling this pain. I didn't want to be related to him.

My whole life was a lie. A fucking lie.

**hope you liked it :) reviews would be awesome :D thanks. **

**Chels x**


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